God’s Waiting Room

I’ve written about my brother Adam before. He has been an active person all of his life. Despite his blindness, which he developed in his late fifties, he learned to ski in his sixties with an organization called Ski for Life. He also went mountain climbing, hiking, and camping with this same group.

Adam on a camping and hiking trip with Ski-for-Light, an organization that assists visually impaired persons (VIPs) in physical activities.

Now years later, the story is different. Adam, 81, is in a care facility for “medically needy” persons. He is wheelchair bound, and is not able to walk at all. In fact, he can barely stand up. He needs help with eating, dressing, and every aspect of personal care.

Several things amaze me about him and his life in this excellent care facility (Wesley Manor in Ocean City, NJ). He still has a good attitude, and he still enjoys interacting with people.

Good Attitude and Interaction with People

After an early period of agitation and anxiety about being in a new facility and away from his own home, Adam settled into the routine at the care center. A lovely older woman named Loretta, 89, became his tablemate and good friend. The two of them kibitz and tease each other throughout their meals and in the common areas of the facility. This interaction is unusual because many of the clients in this wing live in their own little worlds, rarely speaking to anyone else except the occasional family member who happens to visit. We are convinced that this daily friendly interaction between Adam and Loretta have kept them both going.

Reminiscing Passes the Time

My sister, Bev, and I are Adam’s only regular visitors. (His daughter lives and works in Arizona, so can only visit occasionally.) I visit on Tuesdays and Fridays, and Bev visits three other days because she lives closer. We try to visit around mealtimes because Adam needs assistance with eating, and he also seems most alert at those times.

We spend a lot of time reminiscing with Adam when we visit. It gives us something to talk about, and it helps pass the time.

Lately we notice that Adam is spending more and more time in the past. Last week he asked what mom was doing. Trying to explain reality to him is futile and often brings on more anxiety, so we have learned to go along with him.

“Mom is making spaghetti sauce for dinner,” I said. “Can you smell it cooking?” “Yes,” he answered.

“What’s Daddy doing?” he asked. “Daddy is in the recliner ‘resting his eyes.'” (Adam laughed at this old family joke.)

Adam’s long-term memories are still sharp, so we talk about working on the farm when we were kids. One day he asked, “You know what I did one time out at Dada’s (our grandfather) farm?”

“No, what?” I answered.

“When we were picking up potatoes, I put a watermelon in the bottom of the basket, and then filled the rest of the basket up with potatoes. Dada was mad when he found that basket.”

I laughed with him about that. “Oh, so you were the one who got us all into trouble with Dada.”

I didn’t tell Adam that at one time or another, each of us kids had tried that same trick. And when Dada reported our shenanigans to our dear mother, she never believed him. Her children would never do such a thing!

For us, talking about childhood happenings is reminiscing, but for Adam, it is his reality.

Adam’s vivid dreams seem so real that he believes the events in them actually have occurred. We do not try to convince him otherwise. He reports that he has other visitors on a regular basis: his brother Bill who lives in South Carolina, his daughter Lori who lives in Arizona, old friends from the Enrichment Center for the Blind in Bridgeton, NJ, his old boss, as well as several aunts and uncles who have previously passed away. He even reports on some of their conversations. (His boss still wants him to make deliveries in Philadelphia!) But these visitors are part of his dreams, and although they would dearly love to visit, they cannot. We, however, are happy these “visitors” bring him comfort and joy.

Who Turned the Lights Off?

Today, Adam was quite agitated because someone keeps turning off the lights so he can’t see anything, and he can’t find his way in the airport terminal to find his flight, and someone has taken his wallet and his money, and why do they have to turn the lights off all the time anyway?

Adam reported that his little dachshund Peaches (who passed away ten years ago) raises a nightly ruckus in his room and scares the other patients. Luckily his new roommate also has a little dog (*wink* wink*), so the two dogs now play together instead of raising a ruckus. Problem solved!

Nightly Commiseration

After our visits, Bev and I call each other to commiserate. We laugh about the funny comments Adam has made, but we sigh with sadness at the reality of the inevitable. Adam’s physical and occupational therapy have been terminated because he shows no improvement but rather is declining physically. He is steadily losing weight (now 140 lbs) despite an enriched diet that includes “super-smashed potatoes,” extra fruit-flavored yogurt, and sugar-free pie and ice cream. Like Mikey on the old TV advertisement, Adam eats everything and has no complaints about the food.

It is so sad to see Adam slowly fade away. Our consolation: he has no pain, he has a good friend near him, and he has so many “visitors.” His good attitude certainly makes it easier for us to spend time with him.

More posts about Adam:

B: Big Brother’s Bits about Being Blind
VIP: Visually Impaired Person in the News Again
Elderly, Blind, and Living in a Big Black Box
Tips for Caregivers of Visually Impaired Persons in Care Settings

F is for F.A.S.T- Know the Signs of Stroke: It Can Become Personal in An Instant

A to Z post for Day 6-Letter F

While my theme for A to Z is writing and grammar, I thought this F.A.S.T. topic was important enough to pass on to you. It’s a topic that in one instant became very personal to me.

I’ve seen ads on TV and heard bits on the radio about what to do when a person has a stroke, but I haven’t always paid attention. I did know that if a person who had suffered a stroke got medical attention quickly, they could avoid permanent brain damage and disability.

My eldest  sister, Ms.Joanne (her nickname), lived alone and did not like us (her younger sisters) checking up on her. We would call to see how she was doing on a fairly regular basis, but Ms.Joanne didn’t answer the phone when she didn’t feel like it. Consequently, if we called and she didn’t answer the phone, we fretted about whether she was just being ornery or whether something had happened.

Even after several falls, several 9-1-1- calls, and several hospitalizations, she still played the phone game with us. She had been in an assisted living facility after her last hospitalization, but one day she just packed her rolling suitcase, called a taxi, walked out, and went back to her home. (Because she had signed herself into the facility, she could also sign herself out.)

Ms.Joanne’s sons travel for work and are rarely home during the week. I live thirty minutes away, so driving over to check on her is a bit inconvenient at times. Bev, my other sister, lives closer to Ms.Joanne, but sometimes she is taking care of her grandchildren so can’t run and check on Ms.Joanne either.

One Monday morning, I called Ms.Joanne and got the usual no answer. What should I do? I decided to drive over to check on her on the pretext of seeing if she needed groceries.

I rang the doorbell. No answer. I tried the door, and it was unlocked. I walked in and called her name. No answer. I walked to the family room at the back of the house, and there she sat in her favorite recliner in front of the TV. At first, I was relieved. But when I called her name again, she did not turn to look at me.

I called her name several more times, she finally turned her head in slow motion, ever so slightly, to look at me. Her eyes were wide and somewhat unfocused. I asked, “Are you okay?” She said, “Yes,” but clearly she was not.

Somehow I knew she had had a stroke. She could talk, but she didn’t say very much, and she remained in the same position as when I had entered the house. From the odor in the room, I guessed that she had been sitting there for more than a few hours. She told me two days. I was not sure if that was the correct answer or if she was disoriented. Regardless, I told her I needed to call 9-1-1. She told me, “no” in an adamant tone, the strongest and loudest of the day.

It was clear to me that she needed medical attention, so I told her again that I needed to call 9-1-1. Again she refused. Finally, I just called 9-1-1. When the EMTs arrived they asked her to smile, to move her arms, to speak. When she had difficulty with smiling and moving her arms, they told her she had to go to the hospital. Of course, she refused. She wanted to stay in her home. The EMTs were very patient and kind to her and explained what needed to be done, and finally Ms.Joanne relented and allowed them to take her to the hospital.

But for Ms.Joanne, it was too late to stop or reverse the damage from the stroke. She was weak on the right side of her body and paralyzed on the whole left side of her body. Within days, because of complications (swelling, lack of circulation), the doctors advised that her left leg had to be amputated. Now, five months later, she is in a long-term care facility and requires almost total care. She can feed herself, but she can’t bathe, dress herself, or do any personal care. She will never be able to walk again. Because of her paralysis, she is not a candidate for a prosthetic device.

Kroey sisters. back row L to R Joyce, Joanne, Shirley.
Front row L to R: Beverley, Judie, Janice

My family is aging, and health issues now take much of our time. These are my sisters. Ms.Joanne is the tallest one in the back.

Sister Shirley, back right, is also in a rehab facility in California. Several months ago, she was hit by a car while she was in a crosswalk on a busy street. The driver of the car was paying attention to her dog and not to her driving. My sister, Joyce, back row left, passed away of heart disease (a family trait) several years ago. I also have three brothers. The youngest, Robert, passed away three years ago of Sarcoma (cancer).

Strokes

Strokes are the 3rd leading cause of death and a leading cause of long-term disability in adults.

Every minute counts when someone has a stroke. The sooner the stroke victim receives medical attention, the better the prognosis. This acronym, F.A.S.T., can help you remember the signs of a stroke:

Keep these steps in mind. Be ready to help when you notice facial or body weakness and strange speech in a family member, friend, acquaintance, or anyone. Act F.A.S.T. I pray that you have better results than Ms. Joanne.

Cats comfort a sick family member.
Picture: E-Cute

The Last Meow

Cats just seem to know when someone needs some special attention.

https://janiceheck.wordpress.com